is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
