how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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