1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
