This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
