aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
