in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
