weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
