i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
