remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
