Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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