Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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