oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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