If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
