eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
