U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I love black thongs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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