I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
