Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
