did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
