cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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