i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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