M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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