She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
