I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
