Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
