I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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