I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she peed on how many people?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
