So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
