Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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