i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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