Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just had sex on a roof
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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