Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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