In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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