im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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