you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
