You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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