I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you had me at cake vodka
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
