The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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