i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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