Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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