I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
