he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I deserve this hangover.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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