The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
