only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
