Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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