we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
