you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
