he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
