I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
