Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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