I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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