i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
