I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
