textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
