sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
