someone get that fucking seahorse.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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