All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
