I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Shame is for Republicans.
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