Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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