you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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