so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
