he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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