I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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