I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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