there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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