He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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