we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
