lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
