mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
