shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
