I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We are two peas in an std pod
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
