if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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