Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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