Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
