so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
