the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
