i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think your dad took our porno
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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