U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
