Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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